The Stupid Things I Do for love

Image from flickriver.com
"DAPITHAPON" : This song by Johnoy Danao reminds me of my experience of living together with someone you know will never come back. "Uuwi ng walang nagaabang, heto na naman"


I've never tried living away from my parents that's why moving in to my boyfriend's apartment (together with his friends) was a tough decision. I'm youngest and the only daughter so my parents really didn't approve of this. I argued with them to give me that freedom that I want because I reason out - I'm of the right age.

Living with him was the happiest. We wake up together, we go to work together, we eat together, we went home together and we sleep together. I don't go home every weekends just to have a day with him - washing our clothes, tagging along his activities and buy and cook our food. I practiced the life that I hope will be. We were happy like there's nothing else to ask for. However, this happiness of being together eventually sips the air out of him. He was suffocated and he gets bored. This routine frustrated him and he looked for a brand new life without me.

He eventually didn't wake up at the same time as mine. I go to work alone. He has his buddies over lunch and I'm the one to fit in them. He went home during weekends and doesn't want me to come over. He go to places without me knowing. He do activities alone. He basically just want to live alone and worst, he cheated.

I was doomed. This living-together idea formed an attachment that was so big and so deep it was hard for me to give up. I know I need to break this foundation I thought was so great and strong. I can't accept it and was trying many times just to make it work.

That house I thought was home became witness in every loving moments we had - every conversation, every "kulitan", the bondings and my efforts to serve him. Unfortunately, it also became witness of our every tears and make-up, of our every arguments and the shameful fights in front of his roommate, of my late night entry after I declared I'll leave the house, and of every shameful begging and his heartless rejections.

That home witnessed how we started and how we ended. I threw away the keys that I have, because I know I'll never go back to that place, and there's no one to return to in the first place. Living with him is a STUPID idea, because it only made me vulnerable. But I guess, this is all charged to experience. 


Notes:
"The Stupid Things I Do for Love" is a blog series featuring true to (my) life stupidity when it comes to love. I hate to type that statement. So corny. But yeah, stories are not posted in chronological order. 

2 comments:

  1. I didn't know this is what really happened. I respect both of you as an individual and knowing the story behind your relationship made me realize how brave you are to stay in a place where you get to see the person whom you loved and the person who hurt you the most. I always find him as a happy go lucky man because that’s what he shows. I didn’t expect him to be this selfish.

    I can feel the pain while reading your story. All wounds will heal, in His perfect time.

    All the love, Auradelle

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :) It's been a while, and I can say I already healed, but I won't forget the feeling. ;)

      Delete

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